What are you living for?
Responding to growing intimations of mortality
I have reached the age where reflections on a new year, and how I want to spend it, inevitably raise the larger question – what do I want to do with my life? I think it is good for all of us to ponder this question occasionally. Not because I am a believer in goal-driven living, but as a means to clarify our individual focus. What really matters at this stage in life? What are my – or your – priorities?
When I was younger time – to tackle the things I wanted to try or to achieve – appeared infinite. Now, in my 60s, I at last appreciate that none of us go on forever. And I realise that, towards the end of life, we are not necessarily able to do everything we could when younger.
During my early decades, not many people I knew died. The few losses I experienced were spaced out over many years. But now I am one of the ‘older generation’, it has become common place to hear of the death of neighbours and acquaintances. I have even lost a few close friends. All reminders that I'm not immune and won't go on forever, even if I intend to live past 100 and still be walking outdoors every day.
In 2024 it at last dawned on me, if I want to do more of the activities I truly value and achieve some of my neglected dreams, that I need to stop working so hard for others and make more time for myself. Since I have been self-employed for the past 25 years, this is a personal decision not the choice of an employer. So, I made that decision and, a couple of months ago, started drawing my pension to assist me financially. Now I call myself ‘semi-retired’. I will continue with a lighter load of writing and photography for magazines and walks guidebooks, but in between I will be free for my own pursuits – including this Substack.
I am talking, in this post, mainly to those of you in a similar position – and I've already sussed out that there are a lot of you on here. I'd really like to exchange ideas about what matters most in your life. Where are you focusing your energies? How do you spend your time on a daily basis? What do you want to do while you can?
For those of you who are younger and more concerned about the next ‘big thing’ in your life, perhaps you could take this as a wake-up call that you are not immortal. Maybe think about concentrating your energies on matters that are truly important to you and don’t assume that you will get round to them ‘some day.’ I certainly wish that, in the past, I had sidestepped a lot of striving after unnecessary targets at the expense of personal ambitions.
Strangely, I only now feel ‘grown-up’ enough to say ‘no’ to things that I don't really want to do, so I can clear the decks for ‘me time’ and the things I truly enjoy. My priorities for 2025 revolve around activities that nourish my body and soul. Rather than focus on work goals I want to recover my sense of freedom, restore my spirits, foster my creativity and build strength. I feel this is necessary before I put more energy into bigger projects. Here is the list of I want to do (intentions rather than resolutions):
Spend more time having relaxed fun with friends and my partner instead of being ‘too busy’ to socialise.
Get outside as often as possible, because the natural world grounds me and brings a great sense of contentment.
Experiment with taking my writing and photography in new, more personal directions (rather than simply shaping it to fit niches that editors need to fill).
Expand my creativity through painting (recent classes have reminded me that I would love to be able to realise on paper what is in my imagination and that development of the necessary skills requires a lot of practice!).
Walk more frequently (although my work involves intensive periods of walking, these are followed by long spells of sitting in front of a computer).
Go wild swimming more often (because it feels so good and has boosted my resilience).
Run more (to rebuild the strength and speed I had when orienteering regularly).
Strengthen my bones and muscles through CrossFit (which I started two months ago).
Maintain flexibility and balance through Dance classes (which I’ve been doing for five years).
Have a go at paddle boarding (a sport I’ve never tried).
This may sound unambitious and a bit self-absorbed, but it should enable me to be of more valuable as a partner, friend and member of society. Many of these activities are physical, because moving my body makes me feel happy and alive. I am hoping to grow younger in 2025!
Some pastimes are relatively new and will feed my eternal desire to acquire new skills and watch my competency gradually increase as I apply myself. That’s part of my raison d’être – to live by continually learning. While I can still do that I will remain optimistic about the future. I don’t know how long that future will be – few of us do – but the above actions should help me towards long-held dreams, such as completing my stalled memoir, which I will turn my attention to in future posts.
Does any of the above ring a chord with you? Where are you in life? What are your priorities for 2025? Do you think male and female perspectives differ? I would love to discuss this with you, if you have the time and interest to engage…
Thanks Falicity for making me think too.
As I approach sixty, I find myself reflecting on the balance of my days, and how I might gently shift their weight towards the soil and the seasons—the life I feel I was always meant to lead. For a quarter of a century, I heeded the call of the city, prompted by diversification schemes that, though well-intentioned, nudged me away from the fields and into the rhythm of a shopkeeper’s life. I have no regrets; the shop has brought joy, purpose, and a new community of wonderful people into my life. Yet, there has always been a part of me—the country man, the farmer—waiting patiently, tethered but not forgotten.
Now, as the next generation of staff begin to take their place, I feel the reins loosening in my hands. It is a bittersweet moment—letting go of something you’ve built—but also liberating. It is not the end of one thing but the beginning of another. I imagine this spring, stepping out onto the farm with a sense of renewal. I long to smell the damp earth, to press seeds into the soil and see them sprout. The leaves unfurling, the blaze of bright oilseed flowers—it is in these moments, Falicity, that I feel truly alive, grounded, and whole.
I hope to have a good few years yet to devote to this life. To pace myself alongside the seasons, to revel in their transformations, and to savor the deep satisfaction of tending the land. Retirement will come in its time, but for now, I look forward to reclaiming the life of the countryside, which I believe still courses through my veins.
I’ve just had a second and slower read of this Felicity and would certainly like to contribute to your discussion. Probably tomorrow after I’ve taken my thoughts for a walk, rather than now when I’m tired.